The subtitle of the book could easily be "The Last Obstacle to God." De Mello argues that we do not need to learn how to love; we need to unlearn everything that blocks love. Those blocks are attachment, fear, and the illusion of control.
: De Mello argues that "love springs from awareness". True love isn't a feeling but the act of seeing others exactly as they are, without the distortion of our own needs, memories, or prejudices. The Problem of Attachment Anthony De Mello - The Way To Love -pdf-
This is not a typical "self-help" book or a conventional Christian devotional. Instead, The Way to Love is a radical, contemplative guide that blends Eastern spirituality (Zen, Vedanta) with Western mysticism (John of the Cross, Teresa of Ávila). De Mello systematically dismantles attachments, false beliefs, and conditioned fears—arguing that love is not something you achieve, but something you become when you wake up from the illusion of the ego. The subtitle of the book could easily be
De Mello frequently asks you to imagine the person you love is dead. No, this is not morbid. It is clarity. If they were gone tomorrow, would you regret controlling them? Or would you simply be grateful for the time you had? True love isn't a feeling but the act
De Mello gives you a grenade.
The book is intended as a series of active meditations to be carried throughout the day.
The Death of the Ego: Love requires the disappearance of the "me." As long as we are protective of our image or ego, we are incapable of seeing others as they truly are. Practical Meditations for Daily Life